A Mockery For Your Delight
by Reverse Lucky Girl
Summary: A parody for your reading enjoyment. Draco/OC. Discontinued, but plot bunnies are welcome.
1. Chapter 1

**A Mockery For Your Delight**

**Chapter One—**

**Point of View: First Person; Rayne Padara**

**Location: Rayne's current living situation: a house.**

I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock. I roll out of bed quickly, feeling surprisingly alert for all that it's about seven o'clock and in later chapters I won't be nearly as perky when disturbed from my sleep.

On my way out of my room, I decide to stop in front of the full-length mirror on my door and closely examine myself for no apparent reason. I see the same long, dark hair that constantly falls into my sexy blue eyes, and for once doesn't look like a complete and total rat's nest this morning. My skin is unnaturally pale, but I've been told this is somehow attractive. My body is of tall and willowy variety, which is a nice way of saying that I have no boobs.

Also, I'm wearing a pair of baggy, faded gray pajamas. I thought I'd just add that in, you know.

After looking at my (probably hypnotizing) reflection for about a minute, I go downstairs, to where my kitchen is. Gee, I hope there aren't any mice in the Cheerios today.

It must be my lucky day—my cereal is rodent-free. It might seem strange to you that I'm only fourteen but am living in an empty house and haven't been sent to an orphanage or anything, but it's really a perfectly normal way to live. You know—with no adults at all, somehow keeping a minimum-wage as my only cashflow, living on breakfast grains—totally normal and not at all cliché or anything. Especially in the world's current economic situation.

I decided, as I ate, that today was going to be a good day, even though my strange living situation was improbable and besides kinda sucked.

And here is where I insert a cliché (there's that word again) sort of sentence. For example:

"I had no idea how wrong I was."

Even though that really won't make any sense later on when I meet these people and learn some stuff.

But, whatever.

I had no idea how wrong I was.

**Point of View: Third Person; outside world**

**Location: A Small Library (Down and To The Right)**

A BRIEF PAUSE.

_Now, you may be wondering "Was that a time skip?" or perhaps, "Why, in the name of all that is fruity, are we in a library now?" or something along the lines of, "Why the Frell did I just say 'fruity'? And Frell? What the Frell is a Frell?" (Sorry. Auto-censors. They're a curse.) And I'm just here to explain that I can't explain anything. I just go with The Flow. And jump to the next major plot point whenever I can. Because apparently there's a plot somewhere in here._

**0000000**

The librarian eyed the tall, slightly emo-looking girl in ratty clothing suspiciously. Kids like her, all dressed in icky faded black like that, were troublemakers and obviously did not come into libraries to read. The librarian liked to glare at anyone who came in, especially the ones who went straight to the magazines or public computers.

She was excited at the chance to glare at someone today, and had almost completed warming up her eyeballs and the skin between her penciled-in eyebrows when a cold, yet strangely hot voice hissed, "_Stupefy._"

The librarian gasped and slumped over her desk, unconscious.

Oddly enough, none of the other people in the library noticed this. They also didn't the tall man with long pale blonde hair who strode past her. Not even the hormonal teenage girls giggling by the heater noticed this testimony to testosterone. Not even the twenty-eight-year-old man who had recently come out of the closet about being bi and was alternately reading The Joy of Sex and scanning the library for potential life partners from an armchair. Not even him.

The point is, no one noticed sexy Lucius Malfoy enter the library, even though no spell had been cast besides the "Stupefy" that put the librarian in a temporary coma.

Moving on.

Rayne Padara, the emo-looking girl with the emo-sounding name, was going through the How-To Books section. She was getting tired of plain old Cheerios in milk and was looking to put some pizzazz into her very improbably life. Her life became fifty-two percent more improbable when Lucius Malfoy tapped her on the shoulder.

**Point of View: First Person; Rayne Padara**

**Location: A Small Library (Up Your Nose)**

When someone touched my shoulder, I automatically whirled around, not really sure what to expect—another truant officer? That creepy gigolo who hung around next to the parking meter by F.A.O. Schwartz like in that one movie I saw one time?

Well, I decided as I stared up into icy gray eyes, this was a really _really_ hot truant officer. Ditto if he was a gigolo, really. Whatever.

Either way, he was insanely hot. And really blonde. And tall. And hot. I wanted to do something like melt in his eyes, or something. Even though that was physically impossible, plus it would probably hurt really bad anyway.

"W- Who are you?" I asked, the book in my hand falling for some reason and thumping quietly against the carpet.

"Lucius." The hot man said in a voice that was, like, a really cold purr. Like, the sound a frozen cat would make, only hotter. Or something. "Lucius Malfoy. And _you_ are Rayne Padara."

I swallowed hard. I was so nervous and hormonal right now that my toes were squidging in my shoes. I wasn't worried or anything about how this guy knew my name. I mean, it's not like he was a pedophile or something.

_Trust the toes, Rayne,_ a tiny voice told me, and I suddenly felt braver, even though I hadn't really been cowardly or anything a few seconds before.

"What do you want with me?" I questioned, leaning back a bit against the bookcase. My toes were _still_ all squidgy. This guy, he, like, _oozed_ pheromones.

"You're a witch, Rayne." He said in a deep, seductive voice that I didn't find at all creepy considering how I was at least ten years younger than him.

_Mmm, I like it when he calls me a witch. Makes it sound like a compliment._

"I am?" I murmured, sounding kinda seductive myself. I hope.

Lucius smirked, something I was sure he did often. Just a guess.

"You are. I've come to whisk you away to places you've never heard of."

Was it just me, or was he leaning closer?

Oh, my God, he totally was.

"Places like," he whispered, placing his lips right next to me ear, "_Hogwarts._"

_ Yeah, Lucius baby, you can take me wherever you–_

Wait.

What's a Hogwarts?

**End of Chapter One.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Mockery For Your Delight**

**Chapter Two—**

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

**Location: Ollivander's Wand Shop, Diagon Alley**

**0000000**

A BRIEF PAUSE.

_You're probably demanding to know what's going on again. Well, there was a timeskip. Why? Well, for the sake of the rating, let's just say that to convince Rayne that yes, there IS a Hogwarts, Lucius had to take her virginity. _

_ Or maybe he just had to talk her into it really slowly and in a boring fashion that the author doesn't want to write out. Believe what you want to belive._

**0000000**

Lucius Malfoy kept one icy gray eye on Rayne at all times. So far she had been oddly complacent, allowing him to take her to Diagon Alley to get school supplies.

It was a good thing she didn't know the details of her "special acceptance" to Hogwarts. Ominous music cued in softly in the background as Lucius fingered the _dark, evil_ _letter of secrets_ in his pocket and watched Rayne go through the process of choosing a wand.

Ollivander was not particularly fond of any of the Malfoys. Something always caught fire or sprouted fangs when they were trying out wands, and by now he was smart enough to duck whenever they waved something pointy at him.

As a result, he couldn't help but feel suspicious of this strange, slightly emo-looking girl. At least she wasn't pointing the wands he handed her straight at him.

"Hmm... try this..." he muttered, handing her a fourth wand. "White birch, quite supple, hair from the tail of a full-grown unicorn for the core..."

He had never quite gotten out of the habit of creepily muttering the wand's background information to whoever was nearby. Old age does that.

Rayne took the wand, giving it a small wave and trying not to aim at anything. Sparks the color of moonbeams spat out from the wandtip, making a sound like a small, hissing firecracker.

Ollivander nodded with satisfaction.

"Perfect. That will be nine galleons, please."

Lucius paid the man and led Rayne out of the shop.

"That's all I need, right?" Rayne questioned, looking trustingly up into Lucius's always-icy gray eyes.

Inwardly, she sighed. _His eyes… they look so cold… I wish I could hug them to warm them up…_ (Physical and anatomical impossibilities have never stopped our plucky heroine.)

"Hm?" Lucius blinked, startled from his thoughts (most of them related to Rayne's unnaturally gullible nature). "Oh, yes. Unless you want some sort of animal..."

He gestured offhandedly at the Owl Emporium. He secretly hoped she did not. Lucius had never liked animals and animals had never liked Lucius. End of story.

Thankfully, Rayne had picked up on this, and requested something to eat instead.

Then, something epic and life-changing happened: Lucius took Rayne home to his sexy Malfoy Mansion.

**0000000**

It turns out that, if your name is Rayne and you have lived in a crowded urban area for the majority of your life, you can suddenly develop agoraphobia when led into an insanely huge, spacious house of sexyness. Hypothetically, one closely resembling or identical to Malfoy Manor.

So, Rayne screamed.

And Lucius winced.

It wasn't the cast-iron gates with the suspiciously human-looking skulls that set her off. Nor was it the slimy black creature that had tried to leap out of the moat and take a bite out of her.

If he was following her gaze correctly, it was the chandelier. (He was wrong– the original cause of her scream was the aura of pure male pheromones, which can be overwhelming at first in large doses.)

Rayne was still screaming, turning around and around in circles, her eyes flicking from the chandelier to the cathedral ceiling to the enormous fireplace to the sculpture of a naked woman perched seductively by the staircase. Very quickly she became quite dizzy and out of breath.

So she took a deep breath of rich, spacious air that somehow tasted like ridiculous amounts of money, and screamed again.

Lucius put two well-manicured fingers to his temple. Although Rayne was moderately attractive, her overall weirdness was really unraveling his nerves.

With a flick of his hand, he sent the many packages and bags of newly purchased things up the (very wide, very posh) curved staircase and down one of the halls leading off from it.

Then he Apparated up to his rooms, where he flopped down on his (king-sized, silk-sheeted, mattress stuffed with baby swan feathers) bed and bemoaned his fate in typical angsty Malfoy fashion.

Just because the majority of the Manor was soundproof did not mean that Draco Malfoy, Lucius's devilishly attractive and dirty-minded son, couldn't somehow hear Rayne's constant screeching. Thinking one of the house elves had dropped something hot on itself again, he quickly made his way out of his (large, posh, and dimly lit) room and to the top of the staircase.

He was busy trying to decide whether to tell the elf off or watch when he realized that it was a girl that was making such God-awful noises.

And he supposed she was kind of hot, even with her eyes squinched shut and her mouth open and bellowing. He didn't really wonder what she was doing in his house. Today happened to be his birthday. And, because Draco was a very stupid git at times, he assumed that this—meaning the girl—was a present from his father.

(Also because misunderstandings create plot. And everybody likes a bit of plot with their fanfiction… though probably not of this variety.)

So, with a catty, masculine sort of grace that all Malfoys seemed to possess (the lucky bastards), he descended the staircase (which was carpeted with recently shampooed grizzly bear skins), and stood in front of the girl.

He waited for her to notice him and stop screaming.

And she did, when she ran out of air and opened her eyes while she panted. She would have started her caterwauling again at the sight of the hot boy standing in front of her if her throat hadn't been practically bleeding from the strain of her idiocy. Draco's nearness had also sent a fresh wave of pheromones washing over her, which, after the initial panic-attack, often cause sudden calm and peace of mind. (You're supposed to call your doctor if you also experience indigestion, internal bleeding, or stroke symptoms.)

"Wh—Who are you?" is what she asked instead, when she had gotten her breath back.

It had taken all of Malfoy's willpower to keep his eyes off of her heaving chest and on her face instead.

"Draco. Draco Malfoy. Here, come with me." He said smoothly, reaching over and taking her hand. His eyes never seemed to leave hers.

And, because Rayne thought that maybe he was some sort of servant—another very stupid misunderstanding that doesn't really make any sense—she allowed him to lead her up the stairs, down the hall, and into his bedroom.

**Point of View: First Person; Rayne**

**Location: Malfoy Manor**

Why was I following this very hot boy? I guess because I'm the clueless main character, and that's just what I do. I get myself into sexytiems with boys… totally on accident most of the time. I think.

Right?

I mean, it made total sense that I was now standing in a bedroom that obviously belonged to a dude (a dude with very cool tastes in coloring), and that was also dimly lit in a sexy way and had a really big, soft-looking bed in it.

Still, for some reason, I didn't realize that there was something _weird_ going on until this Draco boy slid his arm around my waist and suck his face against my neck.

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

**Location: Malfoy Manor. Specifically, Draco's Bedroom.**

"Mmm…." Malfoy sighed into Rayne's neck.

She smelled very nice, apparently. She didn't even seem to be very surprised that a total stranger was coming on to her.

Well, that was just fine with him.

The hand that wasn't rubbing against her hip was now tracing the shoulder seam of her black hoodie, and she still hadn't moved away. Malfoy had pressed an open-mouthed kiss just beneath her ear, sensing victory, when—

"What—What are you doing?" Rayne yelped, pulling out of his grasp and whirling around. Apparently, her thought processes had finally pulled themselves together and started up again (thanks, pheromones). "What—What—" she shook her head from side to side, as if to clear it, then pushed past him and ran down the hallway.

Moments after her footsteps had faded, a hand clamped down hard on Draco's shoulder.

"We need to have a talk." Lucius said coldly (A., because he was pissed, and B., because he is not exactly the warm and fuzzy type).

**Point of View: First Person; Rayne**

**Location: Somewhere in Malfoy Manor**

I only stopped running when I realized I was totally lost. And out of breath. And even more freaked out than I thought I was.

I also really needed a bathroom.

Well, with a potty in mind, I did eventually find a bathroom—all gold and white. The toilet had a heated seat and an automatic flusher thingy that flushed at exactly the right time. Plus there was some kind of soothing, atmospheric jazz playing in the background.

As I washed my hands with lavender-scented soap (that I suspected had flakes of actual gold and scraps of American dollars in it), I returned to my freaked out state of mind despite the calming effect of the jazz music.

Who had I just met? Why had he come on to me? Why couldn't I catch my breath when I thought of him? And why was there a little green creature with big ears and a long nose standing next to me all of a sudden?

"Master wishes to see you in the Gargoyle Sitting Room," the creature said in a squeaky voice, and bowed. "Mudgy will lead you there, if the Lady wishes."

I cleared me throat and nodded, even though I had no idea what the frigg was going on.

"Okay… uh, Mudgy. Take me to…. To… err…. Master." I said nervously.

The creature nodded seriously and hooked two long, bony fingers in my belt loop. Before I had time to protest or something, there was a loud cracking sound, and the world disappeared.

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

The world came back.

The Gargoyle Sitting Room was not exactly pleasant. Mainly because it had the word 'gargoyle' in its name. This room had a dark color scheme, and a gargoyle statue in each corner. An enormous ebony fireplace held flickering green flames, only increasing the overall creepyness of the room.

And what with the two pale-skinned, gray-eyed sex gods sitting calmly in two black armchairs, _watching_ her, made her want to start screaming again.

"Rayne, this is Draco, my son. I believe you've… _met_?" Lucius put a light stress on the last word, making the girl blush uncomfortably for a second.

"Yeah," she said, frowning at the blonde boy. "We have."

"Well." Lucius pressed the pads of his fingers together in a steeple and leaned back in his chair. "I believe Draco has an apology for you."

Two streaks of red appeared across Draco's cheekbones as he glared daggers at his feet.

"Sorry."

Lucius didn't push the matter further.

"Now," he said. "Rayne, you realize that Malfoy Manor is your new home. Since I am your godfather," (Well, that explains a lot)"And your parents are now dead" (One never would have guessed) "I am your legal guardian. We haven't been able to find any traces of other, closer relatives, so this is your only other option besides—" he sniffed in distaste, "Foster care."

Rayne shuddered at the very idea of living with a loving, middle-class family when she could live in Malfoy Manor with the sex gods (one of them with a wife that doesn't exist for this fanfiction) and their shredded-money soap.

"I'll stay here, thanks." she said.

_And hopefully that boy won't try to molest me again,_ she thought brightly.

"Tomorrow, you and Draco will be going to Hogwarts."

Lucius gave Draco a Look that said 'And you damn well better behave yourself, son,' then continued.

"I suggest that everyone get a good night's sleep." He stood gracefully and made a little flicking motion with his hand at the green fire, which promptly went out. The room was plunged into darkness.

"Draco, show Rayne to her rooms." Came the older man's voice. A moment later, there was the loud _crack_ of someone Apparating.

Then silence.

Rayne waited a moment before trying to make her way towards where she thought the door was. However, having a very poor (actually, nonexistent) photographic memory, she tripped and fell awkwardly into one of the armchairs almost instantly.

"_Lumos,_" Draco muttered. Light bloomed from the tip of his wand, which he had pulled out of his pocket. "Here," he said, helping Rayne up. "This way."

Without another word, glance, or any sort of come-on, he led her out and through a dizzying maze of thickly carpeted hallways.

Rayne's long, strange day was finally catching up to her, and she was finding it harder and harder to keep her eyes open.

"In here," the boy opened a door and motioned inside.

As Rayne stepped into the room, light from an unknown source lit up the room, illuminating a silk-sheeted, king-sized bed. There were, of course, other pieces of furniture in the room, but the bed was all she had eyes for. She stumbled over to it and collapsed on the soft mattress, not bothering to undress, take off her shoes, make sure Draco had gone, or get under the covers. She just slept.

**End of Chapter Two.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A Mockery For Your Delight**

**Chapter Three—**

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

**Location: Platform Nine and Three Quarters**

Nervous. That's what she was. Nervous. Nervous because she had somehow not gone insane trying to process that there was a Wizarding World. Nervous because she was now going to a magic school. Nervous because what if the train exploded? And nervous because Draco was there, and Draco just had that sort of affect on females.

Somehow, she and her luggage managed to pile into the train. Draco had disappeared, which she didn't mind in the least. (That's what she told herself, anyway.)

So now, being generally antisocial, Rayne just wanted to find an empty seat and fall asleep. (She'd slept quite restlessly at Malfoy Manor, strangely enough.) And one of the less crowded compartments would be nice. There were a crapload of magical kids around here.

Rayne finally found a free spot in a quiet compartment, and, after carefully fixing her shoulder-length hair in the window, she curled up in the seat and dozed off.

Hours later, she was rudely awakened by the train coming to a screeching halt, throwing her against the back of the seat in front of her.

"God damn," she managed, and pulled herself out of her seat.

As she brushed herself off, the door to the compartment slid open.

"_There_ you are," came a very familiar voice. Rayne looked up with a gasp, and saw—

_Not Malfoy, but a boy that Rayne would later learn to call Cedric Diggory._

**Point of View: First Person, Rayne**

**Location: The Hogwarts Express**

"Oh," the boy murmured after a moment's silence. "I—I apologize. I thought you were someone else."

"Errr." I said. "Hi. What do we do with our luggage?"

"Oh, don't worry." He smiled reassuringly and I tried not to think dirty thoughts. "Your things are taken up to the dorms while we're in the Great Hall."

"Oh, thanks." I said politely, trying to smile back and blushing instead for some reason. "I guess we should get off the train. Yeah."

Luckily, the boy didn't seem at all disturbed by my behavior. He just smiled. Again.

"That would be a good idea." He replied wryly, and began to walk towards the end of the compartment. "I'm Cedric, by the way. Cedric Diggory."

Mmm. An appropriately hot name for an appropriately hot guy. Yum.

"I—I'm Rayne."

"As in weather?" he asked, pulling the slidey-door-thingy open and standing aside so I could go through first.

"Sort of… uh… more like that freaky movie, 'Bludd Rayne', or something." I told him cheerfully.

I stepped out of the compartment and out into the open air. "Um… this is my first year here… where do we go?"

I looked around, trying to figure out where we were. Of course, I didn't recognize this place at all. It was very… rural, I guess. There was a beautiful lake with trees and a spooky-looking forest, and… uhh… I guess you could call it a castle. Wow. It was seriously huge. And there were a bunch of little rowboats and these carriage things heading towards it.

I heard Cedric curse softly under his breath as he came up behind me.

"Looks like they've left without us," he murmured.

"I… I guess we'll have to walk," I said.

It would take a really long time, but we didn't have any other choice.

"Wait a second," Cedric gasped. "Hang on, I'll be right back."

Or did we?

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

**Location: By the Lake**

Rayne shifted her weight anxiously until Cedric came back out of the train, carrying what looked like… a broom?

"They haven't taken the luggage yet," he told her with a grin. "So I got my broomstick."

He held out the household cleaning device proudly, as if expecting her to 'ooh' and 'aah' over it.

She looked from the broom, up at Cedric, and back at the broom again.

"How is that supposed to help us?" she asked finally.

"Oh… I forgot that you're a new girl. Er, see, in the Wizarding World… we can fly around on our broomsticks. We also use them to play Quidditch."

Surprisingly, Rayne did not burst out laughing, like a normal person would. She just nodded solemnly.

"So we're going to fly over to this Hogwarts place, huh?" she said.

Stating the obvious, Cedric replied, "Yes."

With that, he mounted the broom, motioning for her to get on behind him.

_Never mind that this is weird, sudden, and unnecessary,_ she thought. _It's also kind of cool and advances the plot. So, let's go!_

She swung onto the broom behind Cedric, wrapping her arms firmly around his waist. He was pleasantly warm, radiating a soft heat that was lovely on such a cool evening.

"Hold on tight," he told her, even though she already was. Then he kicked off, and suddenly they were flying.

At first, the odd, I-think-I-forgot-my-stomach sensation was unpleasant, and of course the wind was absolutely freezing, but Rayne gradually became accustomed to it, and even began to enjoy it. It helped that Cedric was warm. And skilled in the flying arts. It was nice, too, how he didn't make a big deal out of how he was so great for providing the transportation and whatnot.

However, the broom was not built to carry two people (even if the second person is a girl who doesn't have boobs). Cedric was finding it difficult to keep it high enough above the water that they didn't get wet. (He had decided to just go straight across the lake to save time. Even though he should have known that the broom probably couldn't carry so much weight all that well, and that it might not last all the way across the lake…)

It would be more dramatic if the broom lost power completely, and they had to swim for it. And maybe Cedric would have to help her to shore. And they'd probably have to figure out some vaguely perverted way to dry themselves off.

But, due to time and space constraints, and the laziness of the author, that is not what happened. The broom made it to the opposite shore safely, and the only parts of Cedric and Rayne that got wet were their shoes. They raced after the receding backs of their classmates (or, in Rayne's case, future classmates) and managed to get into the Great Hall without mishap. After some explanation from Cedric, Rayne went over to stand in the Sorting crowd.

There were murmurings and mutterings when the girl-who-no-one-had-ever-seen-before-but-was-obviously-older-than-eleven joined the group of children to be Sorted. Who was this strange, slightly emo-looking girl?

"Padara, Rayne," Professor McGonagall called.

Rayne walked hesitantly to the front of the clustered youngsters.

"Sit down on that stool and put the Sorting Hat on your head," McGonagall whispered to her, peering austerely down at the new girl. "Go on, now."

Hesitantly, more than a little weirded out, Rayne went over to the stool the professor had discreetly gestured towards, and slid the hat over her head as she sat down. It fell over her eyes, obscuring the outside world.

_"Well, then," _a voice murmured. _"What do we have here?"_ Rayne flinched as the hat tightened slightly around her skull. _"Hmm… not very clever or free-thinking, now, are we? That means Ravenclaw is definitely out. A bit too brave for Hufflepuff… supposedly too innocent for Slytherin… you're not exactly courageous or loyal, really, but seeing as Gryffindor is the only one left…_GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted, and Rayne yelped and tore it off, jolting up to her feet.

"Put the hat back on the stool and go sit at the red and gold table," McGonagall told her, and she did.

Laughing students made room for her on one of the two long benches on each side of the Gryffindor table.

McGonagall cleared her throat and began to speak in a louder voice that carried all around the Great Hall: "Students and teachers of Hogwarts! Rayne Padara is a new student here, as you can see. However, she will not be joining the first years. Rather, she shall be regarded as a third year. Please do your best to welcome her into our fine school."

Then she turned back to the waiting newbies and continued with the Sorting.

"That's some Mudblood you've got over there!" a ratty looking boy from a green and silver table shouted.

"Shut up, you!" a few Gryffindors shouted right back.

Rayne winced as she sat down. She didn't like all the attention she was receiving. And that hat thing had been just freaky and kind of offensive.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," a girl with very curly hair who was sitting on her left said. "I'm Hermione Granger. Ron, Harry—introduce yourselves."

"Ron Weasley," a freckled redhead sitting on the other side of Hermione raised his hand and waved halfheartedly.

"I'm Harry. Harry Potter." A boy with striking green eyes who sat at Rayne's right said.

There was an expectant pause, as if the three of them were waiting for something.

"My name's Rayne," Rayne said after a moment.

"You really don't know anything at _all_, do you?" Hermione murmured, mostly to herself. "Well, I'm sure we can catch you up. We're third years too, you see. I'm sure you'll _love_ Hogwarts. Right, Ron? Harry?"

"Right," Harry agreed unenthusiastically, feeling to angsty to be friendly.

"Do you think we'll eat soon?" asked Ron.

Rayne was getting very nervous again.

**End of Chapter Three.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A Mockery For Your Delight**

**Chapter Four—**

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

**Location: Hogwarts**

First a day passed, then a week. Rayne got used to the Hogwartian schedule. That was pretty much all that happened, so otherwise there was absolutely no plot. She saw Malfoy occasionally in classes, but he seemed to be avoiding her for some strange reason.

_Oh, well,_ she thought. _I guess I'll just continue learning magic and waiting for the plot to develop._

So that's what she did. Until, one day, the plot finally developed. And that was when things started happening again. It began on a cold night in November, while Rayne and The Trio were snugged safe and warm in the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Oh, _no!_" Rayne gasped, looking at her pile of books in dismay. "I forgot the Potions textbook!"

"The Potions textbook?" Ron yelped.

"The Potions textbook that you _promised_ to bring?" Hermione shrieked.

"The Potions textbook that none of us _have_…" Harry muttered, still too busy being angsty to be nice.

"Shoot, _shoot!_ And the test's tomorrow—and—I—I'll go get it! I'll just sneak out and get it really fast!" Rayne wrung her hands as she almost began hyperventilating.

"If you're going to do that… then calm down." Hermione said in a completely normal voice.

Rayne calmed instantly, nodding her head resolutely.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I… yeah. I'll go and get the textbook…"

Even though it was way after hours and everything, what was a little sacrifice between friends?

As Rayne ducked out of the Common Room, Hermione, Ron, and Harry all exchanged glances.

"She's a weird one, all right." said Harry, then continued to angst away.

**0000000**

Rayne tiptoed (figuratively, of course, because no one actually tiptoes anymore) as quietly as she could through the shadowy hall. God, but Hogwarts was downright _creepy_ this late at night. And the thought that Filch, the probably-pedophile, was patrolling all the dark corners with his creepy cat did not help Rayne's heebie-jeebies.

And her heebie-jeebies were certainly not abated when cold fingers suddenly wrapped around her neck.

She let out a girly, strangled-sounding shriek and whirled around. The fingers let go, and she saw the notorious Draco Malfoy, who was doubled over in what is referred to on occasion as the "Laughing One's Posterior Off" position.

"You—_jerk!_" she gasped, too freaked to scream, which would have been the smart thing to do.

"I—couldn't—help—myself—" Draco gasped out between bursts of mostly silenced laughter.

Rayne had to admit that he didn't look half-bad when he was laughing. Or smiling. Or just being there. Okay, so Draco Malfoy was, as has been mentioned many times thus far and will be mentioned many times in the future, hot. That was not going to stop Rayne from trying to resist his Wiley Male Charms to extend the plot.

"Th—That was _uncalled for!_" she hissed at him. "I oughtta beat you into next week!"

Draco sobered slowly, straightening to his full height of… well, taller than Rayne.

"Oh, come on." He laughed again, much more softly and rather meanly as well. "I don't think you have the heart to beat up a pancake."

"A pancake?" Rayne would've started screeching at him had not the low, raspy sound of Filch's midnight-pedophile voice come echoing down the corridor.

"You say they are this way, my sweet?" he murmured from around the corner. In a voice that sounded like violation personified.

Draco cursed, grabbing Rayne around the waist and yanking her back into a slightly dusty, cobwebby area behind a statue. With the hand that was not holding Rayne unnecessarily tightly against him, he took out his wand and whispered a spell. The air around them began to shimmer as some sort of Magic Shield of Awesome surrounded them.

"Shh!" he whispered, dropping his wand and pressing his hand against Rayne's mouth when she started to struggle and make muffled yelling sounds. "They can still hear us!"

Rayne fell silent instantly, not wanting to know what happened to any nubile young girls Filch caught wandering the hallways late at night. Draco took his hand from her lips and slid it around her waist. So now her back was pressed against his chest and everything.

_Oohh… a Draco!hug… how sexy…_ Rayne thought dazedly as the Malfoy-pheromones she'd inhaled began to kick in. For just a moment she relaxed against the cotton of his shirt.

They held this… rather comfortable… position as Filch shuffled slowly past them, following an oblivious Miss Norris. This took several minutes, and they waited several minutes after that to make sure Filch was far, far away.

"Err—I—" Rayne pulled away, a blush spreading belatedly across her face. "Um, thanks… I have to… get back to Gryffindor now…"

"Wait!"

Draco caught hold of her wrist, pulling her back towards him. He pressed his mouth firmly to hers for a moment, then let her go, turning her in the right direction and pushing her gently forward. She walked away, slowly, resisting the urge to cup her palm against her tingling lips.

_W—Wow…_

**0000000**

"Er… Rayne?" Ron asked eventually. The girl had been standing in a daze just inside the Common Room for five minutes. "Where's the textbook…?"

Rayne murmured something along the lines of "shfurlf…" and wandered up to the girls' dormitories.

Hermione, Ron, and Harry shrugged in unison and returned to their all-nighter.

And that was how the plot came back. Or, so we hope.

**End of Chapter Four.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A Mockery For Your Delight**

**Chapter Five–**

A BRIEF PAUSE.

_You may be wondering what happened to Cedric Diggory, who was thrust randomly into the plot for no apparent reason. Perhaps you thought that he would become a main character, and therefore create a love triangle between our two darling other main characters._

_Well, you were wrong. For the time being, Cedric Diggory does not exist._

**0000000**

**Point of View: First Person; Rayne**

**Location: Hogwarts**

_Oh, my God… he kissed me hekissedmekissedmeKISSEDME! HE. KISSED. MEEEEE._

_Wowowowowowow._

_He is so fiiiiine~ _

_I hate him… wait, why do I hate him? He's hot. No one can hate someone who looks like __that__. _

I _can't_ believe this. I can't be_lieve_ this! _I can't believe this!_

How—why did he do that? A guy as hot and sexy and semi-jerkish _has_ to have some sort of ulterior motive. Right? Or… does he really like me? Or… or… or… I don't know… something?

This makes no sense…..

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

**Location: Mars! Or possibly Hogwarts**

And now to meet our hormonal content quota, the plot will continue with a somewhat predictable twist.

Rayne sidled as quietly as she could into the Potions classroom. Professor Snape—who, she suspected, was in league with Filch as far as pedophilia went—had taken the same sort of dislike to her as he had taken to all Gryffindors. He picked her out especially at times, she was sure. Mostly, it seemed, on the days when she had a stain on her shirt.

She managed to reach the table she shared with Ron, Hermione, and Harry (who for some reason were still her only friends) without mishap.

"Today you will all be divided up into partners." Snape intoned in his usual nasally voice. "I will list the new partners off one by one. Pay attention."

Rayne lost focus for a moment—at least, it _felt_ like a moment—and when she snapped out of her daze, Draco Malfoy was sliding in next to her.

"Y- Y- Y- _You!_" she whisper-yelped.

"Who did you think?" Malfoy smirked unpleasantly. "Now, pass me that wormroot over here, Minion."

She threw it at him. Sadly, he caught it just before it hit his face.

"_Good_ Minion," he told her, and began to cut it up with a small silver knife.

Over the course of the class, she was basically just a lackey, while Malfoy did all the work. She didn't mind, of course: like most students who were hated by or who hated Snape, she stunk at potions. Also, she stunk at potions because the author says so.

And now, to complete some of the hormone quota, there will now be a relatively interesting scene. Please remove the toothpicks keeping your eyes open.

"Nice job, Minion," Draco told Rayne after handing in a sample of the potion. "Now, as a reward…" He leaned in and kissed her for the second time in two days, just like that. Because that totally happens in real life.

"No PDA during class!" Snape snapped. "Ten points from Gryffindor!"

Rayne pulled away and glared over Malfoy's shoulder, where Snape was standing.

"That's not f—" she started, but Snape gave her a Look that shut her up right away.

Malfoy didn't even bother arguing with the Professor. He knew better. And he liked the way Rayne looked when she was angry, because apparently boys just like how girls look when they're angry a lot.

And so Rayne's second kiss (because Draco's amazingness makes everything he does to you an absolute first) went mostly unnoticed. By Rayne, anyway.

_I will have to try that again,_ Malfoy decided, _when no one's around. Except Rayne, because if she's not around, I can't try it._

This is the end of the interesting scene. Please replace toothpicks now.

**Point of View: Third Person; Outside World**

**Location: It's pretty much always going to be Hogwarts from now on.**

"So, Rayne," Hermione said as they all dug into their midday meal. "I, ah, I noticed that at the end of Potions class… you and Malfoy…"

"Huh?" Rayne mumbled around a mouthful of potato salad.

"We saw Malfoy snog you." Ron cut in. "What's the deal with that, anyway?"

_And why am I talking like some random American instead of a British person?_ He thought with some confusion.

"Er—he—um—" Rayne, who had swallowed the potato salad by now, stuttered.

"Malfoy is a pushead, plain and simple," Harry added. "We could tell you a lot of stories about that Pureblood sonuva—"

"_Harry!_" the ever-bushy-haired Hermione admonished. "Don't be so crude!"

The Living Boy gave her the same sort of Look that Snape had given Rayne earlier. "He's a slimy little bastard, 'Mione."

"You ought to stay away from him, Rayne," Ron piped up. "We all hate him, so you should, too. It's not like he's actually a good person deep down, or anything."

"Oh." Rayne stared at her plate (covered in delicious Hogwartian food that makes your stomach growl just thinking about it) and hunched her shoulders.

She wanted to remain friends with The Trio, even though right now they were being complete sods. And OOC, as well. What was wrong with them? They'd actually been weird like that ever since she'd met them. Was this another of the author's evil plots to turn her into a depressed loner?

_Author, you bastard!_ She thought angrily, then promptly buried her anger six feet under, which would be reanimated later in Malfoy's general direction to add some more angst to the decomposing plot.

"I—I'm sorry." She pushed her food around with her fork. "I… I don't really know… what happened there. I don't know why he, he k- kissed me, I mean." She lied as best she could (which is to say, very badly).

_I mean, boys kiss girls because they like them, right? And girls kiss boys back for the same reason… right?_

_The world is just really too complicated right now._ She thought sadly.

"Um… I'm going to… go up to the Common Room now. I need to—find something," she lied for the second time in a row.

The Trio didn't respond, so she stood and left the Great Hall feeling rather lonely.

And because Rayne was so absorbed in her lonely-related thoughts, and also because the author decided a little extra hormonal content never hurt anyone, she did not notice Draco Malfoy get up from the Slytherin table and follow her out of the Great Hall.

**0000000**

Rayne didn't realize Draco was stalking her for an oddly long time. This was because she just wasn't paying attention. Also, Draco was very good at slipping silently through corridors. He is just special that way.

At the same time when Rayne finally realized something—that she had forgotten the password to get into the Common Room—Malfoy decided to make his presence known. And he decided to do so in a typical manner. He stepped up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and murmured,

"Hi."

Of course, Rayne let out a gasp-shriek and nearly had a heart attack.

"Muhmuhmuh_Malfoy!_" she wheezed. "W—What a p- pleasant surprise!"

All thoughts of breaking it off with the sexy blonde flew from her head. Not that she had actually been thinking such thoughts, but they were added in at the last second to infuse some more something plot-oriented.

Could you even really break off with someone if you weren't technically Together in the first place, even though you sort of were at the same time?

Screw this. It's too confusing. Let's skip to a good old make-out sort of scene.

**0000000**

Rayne started to say something—she didn't know exactly what (because the author was completely out of smart comebacks)—but Draco was kissing her before she could even form the first word of the sentence. So it came out sort of like,

"M-mmf!"

But Draco didn't mind. Deep down—okay, not very deep down at all—he had a kinky side to him, and enjoyed it when his love interest struggled. Because Rayne was his love interest, and she was definitely struggling. Because that's what love interests do, apparently.

"Shh…" he murmured against her lips, though that may not even be possible.

His tongue flickered (and not like a light-bulb, either) out against her skin, then he was kissing her again. The British term for it is snogging. Of the full-frontal variety. Draco was hoping that perhaps they'd even get to The Full Monty, as no one ever gets pregnant in any of these fanfictions unless it's either a tragedy or one of those someone-who-is-sometimes-male-gets-pregnant.

So, long sexy story short: Draco kissed Rayne, Rayne kissed Draco, she kissed, he kissed, they kissed. And they would have gone on, too, if not for the sudden and last-minute appearance of…

CEDRIC DIGGORY.

**0000000**

A BRIEF PAUSE.

_Yes, perhaps the earlier Brief Pause about Cedric Diggory no longer existing was a complete lie._

**0000000**

Do you know what he said when he saw Draco and Rayne kissing?

This is what he said:

"Oh. Er…"

Actually, know what? He didn't. He didn't say "Oh. Er…", he said something much more interesting, sudden, and rather stupid. Instead, he shouted,

"You can't have her! She's _mine_!" in Draco's general direction.

Now, this definitely interrupted their snogfest, which Draco was not happy about. He untangled his mouth from Rayne's and glared over at Cedric.

"The hell do you want, Hufflepuff?" he snarled. He was so highly bred that he didn't even know who Cedric actually was. He just knew that he smelled like Hufflepuff. And therefore must be a Hufflepuff. And, because Slytherins are sworn enemies of pretty much all other Houses, this guy was an enemy, too.

"Get away from Rayne!" Cedric yelled, even though at their last meeting they were barely on first name basis.

"Bite me!" Draco snapped back. He was drawing away from Rayne now—who was in a snog-induced daze—and reaching for his wand, which was tucked in the back pocket of his tailor-made designer jeans.

The two boys yanked out their wands (which is not in any way a suggestive phrase) and cast a random spell at each other. Because Rayne was in between them, the spells almost hit her.

"Hey!" she yelped. "Guys, _stop_ it!"

They didn't listen, and she was forced to duck and flee to a corner as testosterone and magic overflowed in a really stupid duel. Also, the boys had very bad aim, so consequently Rayne was nearly hit with several different hexes at different points in time. Finally, her emotions overflowed to join the testosterone and magic, and she ran. The heroine never faces her troubles until she can do so at the risk of her own life. Until then, she just runs away.

So that is what Rayne did. And the saddest part was, the boys didn't even notice. They just kept on trying to shrink each other's penises.

**End of Chapter Five.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A Mockery For Your Delight**

**Chapter Six—**

**Point of View: Third Person**

**Location: Hogwarts**

After all these crazy, rather stupid happenings, most normal, not-trapped-in-a-fanfic people would decide that all other people were stupid and commit the rest of their lives to hermit-hood. If that was how the world worked, our problems would be much fewer.

But, things being as they are, Rayne did not learn that all-important The People In This Story Are Really Stupid lesson. If she had, there would be no plot. And the importance of the plot has been reiterated at such great length by this time that it would be foolish to continue to do so. We wouldn't want the plot to get a swelled head.

**0000000**

Rayne sniffed as she sat down in a far back corner of Professor Binns's classroom. She was pretty much officially withdrawn now. She hadn't seen Malfoy or Cedric for a day or two, and at this point she didn't really care. That night, after running from the dueling wizarding idiots, she had decided to give up on the male species. (This resolution won't last long. If it did, this tale would probably mutate into something girlongirl, and goodness knows who would appreciate that and who wouldn't.)

She had just resigned herself to another long day of being angstily bored when a certain sexybeast blonde sat down in the desk next to hers.

At first, she managed to ignore him quite well. This was because he hadn't done anything that required her attention.

And then he put his hand on her leg, which she really should have seen coming but somehow didn't. 

Rayne covered her mouth to stifle a yelp as Malfoy squeezed her thigh. Now, the correct reaction would be to shout "FSCKYOU!" and maybe Avada Kedavra him. Instead, being the sadly stereotypical female she was, she merely squirmed away a little in her seat and remained mostly silent.

"Malfoy!" she whispered at him. "What are you _doing_?"

_Obviously I'm getting us both all hot and bothered_, Malfoy thought but did not say. He just smiled innocently.

Then the monkeys typing out the scene on their thousand typewriters got bored with the crap hormonal content and terminated the connection.

"_Jinxius randomus_," Rayne murmured, pointing her wand at Malfoy.

Much to her delight, Malfoy quickly removed his hand from her thigh as if burned, and for some mysterious reason crossed one leg tightly over the other, squirming a little in his seat.

Rayne faced front again and pretended to pay attention to Binns.

**Location: Malfoy Manor**

Lucius Malfoy smirked quietly to himself, partly because he enjoyed smirking, partly because he knew smirking made him look hot, and partly because of the letter he was holding in his hands.

**0000000**

A BRIEF PAUSE.

_This is the very same letter Lucius had in his pocket when Rayne was choosing her wand. _

**0000000**

_I'm sure Draco is doing his best to seduce that strange girl,_ Lucius thought confidently. _As long as she doesn't learn that they're engaged, everything should go according to plan…_

He laughed coldly and tucked the letter back into his pocket.

And then he smirked again.

**Location: Hogwarts**

"Okay, so, say you think you might like two boys. Hypothetically." Rayne explained to Hermione. "What should you do to, hypothetically, figure out which one you like more?"

So much for giving up on the male species.

Hermione gave her a funny look.

"Well, me being such an incredibly smart, clear-headed person, I would suggest that you, _hypothetically_, write up a comprehensive and possibly alphabetized list of what you like about each hypothetical boy, and then… go on from there." Hermione turned back to the large, thick book she was reading.

Though Rayne didn't know exactly what 'go on from there' meant, she decided to take Hermione's sort-of advice and make a list.

She made a list, and found that it did not help at all. Rayne ended up burning the list. Easy solutions to boy problems a) are no fun and b) half the time don't exist anyway.

Something bad is going to happen now.

It was one of those Hogsmeade weekend things. Rayne just magically has permission to go because fiction is cool that way.

So.

Hogsmeade.

Rayne broke off from the Trio almost immediately, because they were still being OOC jerks and therefore not really good company. She had resigned herself to a pleasant (yet rather lonely) day of window shopping and wishing she had sickles and those other shiny coins to buy stuff with.

We will (or might) learn more about what happens to her later. Right now, there is going to be a… _slight shift in location!_

**Location: The Hog's Head**

Lucius waved his son over to the table he'd staked out in the far corner of the pub. They had a few important things to talk about. And a dim, dusty bar thingy was the perfect place to do so.

"Has she submitted yet?" Lucius asked Draco in a low, confidentially confident voice.

Draco looked uncomfortable.

"Not exactly," he mumbled.

"Failure is not an option," his father reminded him. "She has to be willing to marry you—"

"Before New Year's, I _know_," Malfoy interrupted. "Father, I don't think she's the type who would just go along with this, even if I _could_ get her to—"

"_Stop making sense!_" Lucius hissed. "_You __know__ that there's no other way to continue the plot and get __the special thing__ unless she marries you! So __do__ it!_"

With one last glare at his son, Lucius stood and strode out of the bar thingy, his long hair and cloak streaming out behind him. He left a distinct scent of expensive shampoo and cologne behind him, but the pub was almost empty, leaving no one to really enjoy it.

Now alone, Draco slumped down over the table and put his head in his hands.

**Location: Somewhere on the Streets of Hogsmeade**

Though it was only about mid-November, it was absolutely _freezing_. Rayne's nose was a somehow attractive bright red, and the nice furry coat that she had mysteriously acquired (nobody is quite sure how) was covered with snowflakes.

Then Cedric Diggory fell into step beside her.

"Hey," he said pleasantly. "How's it going?"

Rayne smiled a little, and decided to pretend she was a calm, unruffled kind of person.

"Pretty good." She told him.

"That's good. You look cold."

_How sweet of him to be concerned with my health, _she thought happily. 

"I am," she said, and shivered.

"Look—there's a café, let me get you something," Cedric gestured at a nearby spot that looked warm.

"Umm. Sure," Rayne nodded agreeably, and followed Cedric inside.

Because she is occasionally a stupid, she thought that boys weren't all bad. However, Cedric shall slowly become the less likable love interest—proving Rayne wrong.

**0000000**

Draco, hands tucked firmly in pockets and a nonchalant oh-I'm-not-looking-for-anybody-named-Rayne look on his face made his way over the cobblestones. Damn, but it was cold, almost unseasonably (and unreasonably) so. How annoying.

Then he saw her.

_Them,_ actually.

He growled out loud when he saw Cedric and Rayne talking and laughing just inside this random café thing that was almost too cutesy for comfort. Rayne had a steaming cup of something and Cedric had a butterbeer, and as Malfoy watched, Cedric offered the bottle to her, and—she took it! That was like—like—an indirect kiss!

_Oh, no way in HELL is this happening!_ Malfoy thought angrily and very Americanly.

_Wait, wait. Calm down,_ he told himself a few seconds later, just as he was about to storm into the café and whisk Rayne away somewhere to do something that might not have been consensual. _There's got to be a tactful way to do this that won't piss her off. Or get me arrested._

He didn't give a damn about Cedric's feelings. Screw him.

Then, he had an idea.

**0000000**

Rayne thought nothing of sharing Cedric's drink, or what it probably looked like to the outside eye—Malfoy's eye, or eyes, specifically—to be seen sitting with a boy in a nauseatingly sweet little café place.

It was perhaps thirty seconds after she had had an indirect kiss with Cedric (that she was unaware of but Cedric really, really was) that Malfoy came into the café. And he didn't look angry or upset at all. Just… normal. And hot. Even though he was cold.

Then, weirdly enough, he slid in next to her at the table.

"Hey," he said cheerfully to Cedric and Rayne at the same time. "How're you two doing?"

"Fine," Rayne said warily, wondering he was going to try and feel her up soon, and, if that was the case, how she should react.

"Better before you got here." Cedric said quietly, in a warning sort of voice.

"Great!" Draco smiled warmly, mostly at Rayne. "Oh, Cedric," he added suddenly, turning to face the Hufflepuff. "Your girlfriend's waiting out in front of the Hog's Head pub. She's not too happy, either—you shouldn't've stood her up like that."

Then he cast a very, very special, silent spell under the table with his concealed wand.

And Cedric's mouth snapped shut, he nodded, and he stood up and left.

Malfoy cast another special silent spell that would prevent him from coming near the café for a long time. Special silent spells are the best kind.

_Then_ he pretended to look very surprised when Rayne suddenly teared up a little. (Malfoys are amazing actors.)

"A girlfriend?" she asked, her voice coming out in a whisper. But hadn't Cedric… well, he'd sort of treated her like… _more_ than a friend, hadn't he? Kind of?

"What?" Draco gasped, all innocent-like. "You didn't know?"

"N… No…" Rayne sniffed a little, completely overlooking Malfoy's suspicious niceness.

"I'm so sorry," the aforementioned suspiciously nice one said gently, reaching over to touch Rayne's cheek.

She was a bit surprised that he could be so sweet—and his skin felt pleasantly warm against hers. So she let him draw her towards him, let him wrap his arms around her, and _maybe_ she leaned against him, _maybe_ she inhaled that unique Draco scent and just relaxed and let him hold her…

And, in the midst of all these _maybes_, Rayne forgot about Cedric Diggory.

**End of Chapter Six.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A Mockery For Your Delight**

**Chapter Seven—**

**Point of View: Third Person**

**Location: Hogwarts**

Rayne was pretty sure her life was looking up. Malfoy was (inconspicuously, of course) spending more and more time around her, and the way he kept doing unexpectedly sweet, non-Malfoyish things made her heart flutter like a metaphorical bird. He was nice to her, but kept his distance. None of the super-duper-hormone-fests happened like before.

Things were going so great, in fact, that it was about time to start screwing things up again.

**Location: Malfoy's Super Sexy Private Slytherin Room**

Draco's (icy) gray eyes were blank but intense as he paced back and forth in front of his king-sized bed. And then, because apparently even Malfoys have these, a shoulder angel appeared next to one of his ears and a shoulder devil next to the other.

"_That girl is good for you,"_ Mini-Malfoy-in-a-White-Dress said primly, strumming out a few notes on a little golden harp.

"_Dude. She's __**hot**__. You should totally bang her," _Mini-Malfoy-in-Awesome-Biker-Clothes enthused.

"_Hmmph. I was talking about how, since she came along, you actually __have__ a shoulder angel, Draco. Not just that…"_ the angel waved his hand at the Biker Malfoy. "…_Creature."_

"_Just think,"_ the shoulder devil leaned familiarly against Big Malfoy's earlobe. "_Once you get her married to you, you can do… all sorts of things~"_ The sentence ended in just the sort of seductive purr that Malfoys were famous for.

"_Oh!"_ Drag Princess Malfoy gasped and shot a glare over at the shoulder devil. "_Please! Draco, you know it's not nice to force women into things like this! It's sexist and chauvinistic, no matter how dumb or oblivious the girl is. You know it'll end badly, and once your father gets the—"_

Big Malfoy groaned and flopped down on his bed, severely jostling both of his miniatures.

"I know, I _know_," he mumbled. "Neither of you two are helping!"

"_Come __**on**__, stud."_ Biker Malfoy looked thoroughly disgusted. "_You're getting all.. all… namby-pamby! Next thing you know, you'll be singing hymns and wearing a coat hanger halo like that pansy over there!"_

"_Excuse__ me?"_ Good Mini shrieked. "_It may be against the heavenly laws, but I—I—I'll kick your ass!"_

"_You wanna go, huh? Fine! I'm riiiight here!"_ Bad Mini swooped over in front of the shoulder angel, holding his arms out wide. "_Let's see if you can take me, pretty boy!"_

With another shriek, the angel threw himself at the devil, and a small battle ensued. Of course, Biker Malfoy won hands down as Big Malfoy just looked on disinterestedly. The poor angel ended up tied up tight with his own sash, completely at the devil's mercy.

"_Now…"_ Bad Mini leered down at the helpless angel. "_What __**shall**__ I do with you~?"_

"_N—No!"_ Good Mini whimpered. "_Not again!"_

But it was too late. The last Big Malfoy saw of them, the devil had conjured up a bed and a whole lot of bondage items, and the angel was crying prettily and struggling. Then the real Malfoy closed his eyes and willed them to disappear.

And, after a moment's more of hearing part of himself moan and another part of himself start to talk dirty, there was silence in Malfoy's Super Sexy Private Slytherin Room.

"What am I going to do?" he asked softly.

The room didn't answer.

**Somewhere in Hogwarts**

Rayne wasn't feeling well. She was achy, her head hurt, and she kept getting dizzy when she stood up. Of course, because the following would be ungraceful and annoying she did not have a runny nose or nausea or anything like that. Really, her illness only made her vulnerable to hormones. Er, plot advancement.

She was sick.

But, being the sort of heroine that she was, she did her best to brave on through the day. What happens next may be semi-predictable.

The slightly emo-looking girl leaned heavily against a wall, wishing her vision wasn't blurring like it was.

_Come on,_ she told herself. _It's the end of the day… just make it back to the common room and fall asleep so you can be all withdrawn and masochistic again tomorrow, like normal._

But her body wasn't really listening, because bodies are jerks that way. She was _tired_, dammit!

_Yeah… tired… maybe I'll just… fall asleep standing up… because people do that all the time…_

Her sight slowly dimmed and grew dark, then went black.

And, of course, no one noticed. Except for…

**0000000**

"Mmn…." She stirred but didn't open her eyes.

She was sure she was dreaming… the dream was warm and soft and smelled kind of nice. Just a tiny bit like some expensive cologne, some sort of nice shampoo—vanilla, or something—and it was all very comforting. And comfortable.

This was nice, though. The dream wasn't fading away…

_So….. does this mean…. It's not a dream…?_

It was then that she decided to open her eyes. And it was then that she became fully aware of where, exactly, she was. And with whom.

"M—Malfoy…?" she mumbled confusedly, starting to sit up. The arm he had around her tightened, and she fell back against what apparently was his chest.

"Shh…" the Slytherin purred like a big cold cat. "You're still feverish. You were having chills earlier, you know."

"What…" Rayne trailed off. "Where am—where are we?"

Draco chuckled.

"My room."

"_What?_" she shrieked, starting to struggle weakly against him. "Are you—no, no, this isn't right, shouldn't be here—"

Suddenly Malfoy wasn't beside her, but on top of her. He pinned her wrists up above her head in one smooth movement and leaned down so they were almost nose to nose. And, also suddenly, she was wide awake and felt more alert than she'd been in a long time.

"It's fiiiine," he soothed, smirking sweetly (if that's possible). "You should relax…"

He leaned down and nuzzled her neck, making her shiver.

"C—can't relax when you're—" she stuttered, trying to squirm away from him.

He pulled back to look her in the eye, no longer playful. "I'm a liar."

She stared up at him, now thoroughly confused. Because she's a dunce and Draco is secretly a drama-queen.

"And what do you think you can do about it?" he stared down at her.

"I—I don't… I don't think I _can_ do anything," she said finally. "It's… your choice, whether to tell the truth or not."

He glanced away, biting his lip.

"I… see."

He pulled away from her abruptly, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Would you hate me if I told you the truth?"

Now she was irritated.

"How am I supposed to know?" she demanded, sitting up and crawling over beside him. "I don't know whatever—whatever _truth_ this is you're talking about all of a sudden!"

He cringed—actually _cringed_ away from her.

"I'm sorry," he managed.

"What, so now you're not going to tell me?" she snapped, making a sudden shift to Assertive Kickass Rayne. "You can't _do_ that to people, you idiot."

Kickass Rayne didn't care if Draco would take this badly later. At the moment, all she was trying to do was get him out of this sudden pity party he was throwing. Because it was _really_ irritating.

"If you want to tell me something, do it now. Because—Because otherwise I'm getting the hell out of here." She told him.

Slowly, Malfoy turned to face her.

"You know… my father…" he began slowly. "He's a ruthless man. And… he's also your godfather. See, your parents—before they died, they were very powerful wizards… and close to my father."

_Ah, _Normal Rayne thought. _At last, my questions will be answered, even though I wasn't really asking questions to begin with because, really, I'm a bit of a twit._

"Your parents were very rich, and collected a lot of valuable artifacts. They left all of them to my father in their will… all but one, the most valuable and mysterious. And they told my father… he didn't explain it all to me, but they said something very cryptic about you 'being the key'. Soon after that, they were killed by a wizarding cult in Australia while on a business trip."

_That doesn't sound unlikely at all,_ Rayne thought sadly.

"After that, my father was obsessed with finding you. But… your parents… didn't want you to be found. They'd made sure you were well protected, so for the longest time you were a mystery to us. Then…" he smiled a little. "He found you, purely by chance. And, by his reasoning, the way to make sure that he could somehow get the artifact wasn't just to invite you to live in our home, but to also…"

He cleared his throat.

"Marry me."

Rayne glowered at him.

"Excuse me?"

**End of Chapter Seven.**


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